girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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