at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
