I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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