piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
