a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
