It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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