im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dignity is for republicans.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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