I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
