the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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