Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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