a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
