Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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