Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
