this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
