I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
