remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
