I'm so fucking centered right now
Pants 0. Shit 1.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
