Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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