I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
