I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
