dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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