Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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