I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
