there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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