it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
