Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
