I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
