you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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