i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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