1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
