How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
