If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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