Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
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You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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