I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
