i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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