You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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