your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
