I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
