I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
