You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
