Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
