I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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