sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
