you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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