matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize