im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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