The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.