So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..