i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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