I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
