I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
