i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
