If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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