YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
