I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
either way he was missing a nipple.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
