So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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