I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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