Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
