you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
