We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize