oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
