if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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