We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My penis needs a shock collar
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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